What does your child do when another child starts to cry? It’s a really telling moment. Some children will instinctively run over and offer a toy, while others might freeze, completely unsure of what to do. Learning how to be a comfort to others isn’t something that just happens; it’s a skill. And as parents and carers, it’s one of the most important skills we can pass on. We’re not just teaching them to be nice; we’re giving them the tools for a lifetime of strong, caring relationships.
They Learn by Watching You
Children are little sponges, and they learn most about emotions by watching us. Think about it: when your own child is upset, how do you react? If they’re crying over a toppled tower, do you meet them in that small moment of sadness? Saying something like, “Oh, that’s so frustrating, I can see you’re sad about that,” tells them their feelings matter. It’s so different from a quick, “Don’t worry, just build it again.”
They also need to see you being there for other adults. You don’t need to give them all the details, but just mentioning, “Aunty was feeling a bit sad on the phone, so I was just listening,” shows them that caring for others is a normal and important part of life.
Giving Them the Words (And Actions)
A child might feel bad for their friend, but they genuinely don’t know what to do next. It can feel awkward. We can help by giving them a simple ‘toolkit’. Chat with them when things are calm about what makes them feel better. Is it a hug? A story? Just having someone sit quietly next to them? Then you can give them some easy phrases to try out with a friend:
- “I’m sorry you feel sad.”
- “Is there anything I can do?”
- “Do you want a hug?”
- “Do you want to play with my cars for a bit?”
Playing these scenes out with teddy bears or dolls is a great way to practise. It takes the pressure off, making it feel more natural when the real thing happens.
A Special Calling for Christian Carers
If you’re providing Christian foster care in Birmingham, this all connects deeply with your faith. The Bible talks about comforting people with the same comfort we’ve received from God. This is so real for a child in your care who might have known a lot of hurt. Their own big feelings can make it hard for them to even notice someone else’s pain. Your first job is to be that safe place for them. By wrapping them in patience and gentle comfort, you’re showing them what God’s love looks like in real life. It’s from that place of feeling safe and comforted that they can slowly learn to offer it to others. This isn’t about forcing it; it’s about tending to the soil of their heart so that empathy can finally start to grow.
It’s Not Just What You Say
Comfort isn’t all about talking. We can point out the power of small, kind actions. Could they get a tissue for a friend? Draw a picture to make someone smile? Or just give a gentle pat on the back? We can nudge them in the right direction by asking things like, “Ted looks a bit lonely. What do you think would help him feel included?” That question helps them bridge the gap between feeling sorry for someone and actually stepping in to help. It lets them see for themselves that a small act of kindness can completely change how someone feels.
None of this is a quick fix, of course. Building a compassionate heart is a long game, made up of countless tiny moments of your own patience and example. By showing our children how to offer comfort, we’re doing something much bigger than just teaching good manners. We’re helping them become the kind of people who show up for others, the kind of friends who know how to sit with someone in their sadness. And that’s a skill that will enrich their entire lives.